Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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