great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
