cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
