i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
