normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
