I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You left your phone here
Wait...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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