either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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