Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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