There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
