If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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