If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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