My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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