i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
