That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
