dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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