look no pants
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
two words...techno handjob
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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