wanna go halves on a baby?
you win again, gameday.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
