Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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