i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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