that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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