i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
