Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
