I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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