Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
