he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
