I'm sorry my penis didn't work
false alarm. still invincible.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
