it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
