i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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