i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
fuck your aforementioned shoe
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
