please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
