I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
