i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
