apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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