this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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