i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
