I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
