Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Randomize
