So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
