Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
