I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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