Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize