Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
