I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
