ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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