The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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