I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
