i wish starbucks made bloody marys
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
