i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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