hotel room ftw
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
