dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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