She said her name was "party"
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We have started to decorate penises.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
