I wish my penis had an off switch
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
