Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
