i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
