I just saw a hot homeless man
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
