You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
