so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
