...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Randomize
