Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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