WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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