I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
