She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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