I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
