If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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