i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
