Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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