butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
