And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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