I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
