I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
