I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
