A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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