He uses pillows to masturbate.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
