i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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