The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
