Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Randomize
