'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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