im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
