I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
