Need sex. Gaining weight.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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