He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
