that's an acceptable place to lick
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
