the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
