Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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