Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
