I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
