just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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